"It is still considered bad manners to pick up a lost ball while it is still moving ! - Mark Twain

Mr. Nicklaus, "Your name is synonymous with golf - You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?" ---- Jack's response? "It is easy. The holes are numbered !"

"Golf ? It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on." - Lee Trevino

"For most amateurs, the best wood in the bag is the pencil." - Chi Chi Rodriquez

"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air." - Jack Benny

About President Ford "At least he can't cheat on his score-because all you have to do is look down the fairway and count the wounded." - Bob Hope

"If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age." - Thomas Mulligan

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong ball." - Jack Lemmon

"Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well." - Craig Stadler

"There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove." - Thomas Mulligan

"Junior golfers swing with effortless power, Seniors swing with powerless effort" - Unknown

"Golfers who don't care, never get the yips" - Dave Peltz

"Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the life of some of our most useless citizens"- Bob Hope

"Too much ambition is a bad thing to have for a golfer in the rough"- Bobby Jones

The Pro's Advice
A local pro was persuaded into playing a round with three very indifferent club golfers. As the round wore on he got sick of them keep asking his advice and then either ignoring it or being unable to take or apply it. At the 16th, after the pro drove right down the middle, the first member stepped up, went through his normal routine and skied it about 50 yards onto the ladies tee.
He turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?"
"LOFT!" said the pro. "Too much LOFT"

The second guy went through his practice swing, set up hit a screaming boomerang slice into the drink. Again , he turned to the pro and asked, "What happened there ?"
"LOFT!" said the pro."Too much LOFT"

Finally, the third guy takes his turn and hits a duck hook straight into the bushes about thirty yards away. "What was wrong with that ?" he asked.
"Same thing - LOFT!" said the pro."Too much LOFT"

As they proceeded down the fairway, one of the members turned to the pro and said, "I can understand the first two being caused by 'LOFT!', but the duck hook?
What exactly do you mean by LOFT ?

"Lack Of Friggin' Talent!"

"Too Much Loft !" - is now our
standard excuse for poor golf.